i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
