she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
