i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
