I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
