Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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