im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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