i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
do nipples grow back?
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