real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
home. puking in laundry basket.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
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My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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