So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
