Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
