He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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