my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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