did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
