you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
