When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
