I'm lost and stupid without you.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
