Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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