i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize