I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Randomize
