i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
false alarm. still invincible.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
