I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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