also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize