can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
