apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
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My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
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I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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