My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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