I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
