The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I wish i was in the wii world.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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