i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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