ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
