I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
time to smoke my breakfast
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
