I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
