dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
