i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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