you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
