I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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