Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
