Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
