Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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