Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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