Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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