i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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