I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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