My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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