last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
