pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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