i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
