I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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