how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You were trust falling into bushes
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
