do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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