there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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