I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
