I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The air was thick with penises
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
