after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
