he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
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why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
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SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
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