Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
