I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
