You really coming over, don't trick.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
