I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
