Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
