only if we run a train.
done.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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