Everything about him screamed your future.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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