So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
