end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
