Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
