you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
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Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
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Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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