Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
