I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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