my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
