if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
